I’m writing this with my 2 sleepy eyes, i can’t barely open my eyes..but WTH my hands keep on typing..Ok i’ll share a story before i go to sleep.
Lately, i’ve been feeling so mess up. Some people might think i’m OK and still a happy person as always. But the truth is i’m not really OK and i don’t feel like i am happy right now maybe i had pretended that i was OK but it hits me hard inside :(. My mood been always up side down, my head is full of anything that i should forget, crowded. Just like Jakarta. What i’ve been thinking these days about my future, my education that only a year left, my job, and my love. i tried to sketch things inside my head and of course things that bother me alot. well said, it’s me, it’s myself. feel like i’m losing control and getting lost in all my thoughts.
So this week (or this past 2 weeks?) i almost spent my time a lot outside my room. I tried to convinced myself i was really really OK…i went everywhere i liked until i got tired then i realized that i didn’t find anything but emptyness.
Today i wanted to sent some of my works to show to my boss. I sent him through the email then i got a bbm from him. i thought i got fired (maybe not yet). My boss asked me “you supposed to send it yesterday, why you didn’t show up at the office this week?”. He didn’t ask many question thou but those things make me feel guilty and sad. I already put myself into another messed. I learn that commitment and profesionalism are the hardest thing to do when you have problems with yourself (I’m finally feel it, after some ppl always mentioned about the life between working and your private thingy). And about love…think mine is really complicated, if i had one wish..i’m still wanna be with him if i’m still have chance :’ )
“Everybody need time away,i heard them said..Even lover need a holiday, far away from each other..hold me now, it’s hard to say i’m sorry i just want you to stay”
i’ve been telling myself that is OK if he wanna go and giving up our relationship. In my case “it’s hard to say that i miss you…i just want you to stay” because there’s nothing to sorry about. there’s no regret about loving someone today.
Maybe this is what they called “galau”. But thank God, Jakarta and its hard things been my bestfriend too. This city taught me a lot about things, about survive, and love myself more.